May 6, 2010
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Looking Down
I have been teetering on the edge of full-blow depression, and all the shitty things that have happened recently have pushed me ever closer to the edge. I had what would normally have been an annoying, but not disastrous, conversation with someone in Accounting, and it seriously made me feel completely depressed, hopeless, sad, overwhelmed, and lost.
How the fuck am I going to get through the next hour/day/week/month/year? I hate this feeling of hurt; I hate suffering; I hate feeling so vulnerable that anything could push me over to a place where it feels so dark I don't think I can function.
It's all just too much. I want to run away home, quit my job, give up. It's awful, because I know those are the worst choices I could make, and yet all I want to do is withdraw and escape.
Please, world, just let me get through the end of the fiscal year, and the end of finals, and the certainty of Ron's death, and my broken car, and all the minutiae of life like cleaning my really disgusting apartment, and doing my laundry, and seeing my friends and not wanting to run away the whole time, and don't let me kill somebody or go postal or quit my job or do anything else drastic.
I hate everything that is happening right now.
Comments (5)
I can so sympathize with those feelings. I been feeling the same for quite awhile and can't seem to snap out of it. Hope things get better.
I try to remind myself that life probably isn't all that bad. That I'm probably just being more dramatic than usual. Sometimes I don't believe it. At times I do. I didn't believe it yesterday because I spent most of it crying. I need to get my period NOW. You hang in there. It's all going to be okay.
clean your apartment. fix your car. do the laundry. do something nice for yourself. only you can pull yourself out of this... hang out with friends.. do something you love.. the world isn't so bad. really.
it can't rain all the time.................xo
You will make it.
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