November 15, 2010
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One of those days I should never have gotten out of bed.
I'm feeling very fragile today. Bad dreams with emotions that carry over into the rest of my day, poor sleep, late to work, had to carry about 75 pounds of crap into the office (not much of an exaggeration I'm afraid), the stew I brought for lunch spilled all over everything, and I am nauseated to the point where I could be just fine, or I could spontaneously vomit on someone's shoes.
I want a hug. I want to hide from the world. I want to feel safe in the confines of my own home and not all exposed and vulnerable and raw here at work. It seems like things are getting to me like they haven't done for awhile. I saw a picture of Ron on my laptop screen saver, and it gave me a jolt of pain. Ashley told me something about Wal-Mart having the U.S. government's backup files in case of a terrorist attack or disaster (no idea if this is true), but it made me feel like nothing I do is worth anything if the bastards at Wal-Mart are basically our Plan B. I kind of felt useless and impotent and completely unable to effect any kind of meaningful change. I also found a few hundred of my old CDs, and I'm loving the music, but it's actually bringing up a lot of old memories, some of which are really painful and hard to think about.
Sigh...I don't know. Can I just get a do-over for today?
Comments (7)
*gigantic hug* I'd bring a cheesy movie, popcorn, and brownies over tonight if I could.
I didn't read this until just now. I'm glad I chose to drop in on you today. I hope things improve! (And I hope you can come over for a movie and hot cocoa soon.) Mucho gusto.
lots of loves and positive thoughts your way hun. xoxo
Telling myself "it's all in your head" usually works. Fake it til you make it. Wow. That's some 12 step shit right there. I am feeling very blah as well. Haven't seen the fucken sun in dayzzzzz and Minnesota is covered with snow. FML.
@teefahknee - I hope that actually happens someday!
)
@Drawy_McIllustrator - Me too. I keep looking at the card you made me, and I smile at it a lot.
@sheshe143 - Thanks.
@JadedPoser - I'm so tired of faking it. When do I make it? Maybe some of it *is* the dark, cold weather. You must be way worse off than me if you're in MN. FYL. (
Hey kiddo. I'm sure by now you've already survived the No Good, Very Bad Day. Congratulations!
Also, Colorado just elected two Democrats to public office. You voted, didn't you? You helped defeat Tancredo and Buck. You did. You aren't powerless (though it's easy to feel that way). You're powerful. Hell, you carried 75 lbs of crap into the office!
Ew. My cat just puked right next to my feet. Pep talk's over. Clean up starts.
@jim_the_american - Damn right I voted. I've been working on thwarting the anti-tax initiatives since early this year through my job.
I did survive, and thanks for the pep talk. (Btw, there's an older guy at work who calls me kiddo every time he sees me, which pisses me off. He's probably just being the nice old dude that he is, but I feel condescended to.)
P.S. Damn cat. Tilly has been doing that lately, and it's usually while I'm gone, so the carpet is already stained with her cat food by the time I see it. Sigh.
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