February 13, 2012
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Oh, hell.
My sister got a DUI a few nights ago. I just heard about it last night – from my grandmother – because neither my sister nor my mother even bothered to tell me about it. Apparently my sister waited days to even tell my mother. She is facing possible jail time, especially since this is her second possession charge (on top of the very expensive DUI). I’ve heard she was terrified to tell anyone, which I understand, but dammit, I feel out of the loop and bummed that she didn’t think to call me.
In some ways, I’m glad, because *maybe* this will be a serious wake-up call for her. On the other hand, I don’t believe jail is good for anyone’s self-esteem, spirit/soul, whatever. And ultimately I feel like it will just cost my family a lot of money and not really do anything for Megan. Her actions have to have consequences, but most of the time, the consequences seem to be for the family, and then nothing gets through to Megan. I also feel fiercely protective of her at the same time and want to throw up when I think of her actually spending any amount of time locked up.
P.S. I wrote a decent poem and a really crappy one. Two more to go.
Comments (15)
That sucks. Debbie Downer moment: My grandmother died while driving under the influence. I wish there had been a cop there to pull her over before her wreck.
Hopefully someone in the family can get through to your sister. I understand one’s desire to drink and have fun, but it’s not worth the risk of getting behind the wheel and harming yourself or someone else.
Oh no!!! I hope some good comes out of this(!?!?) and that she can avoid any jail time…
I don’t know how old your sister is, but I’ve noticed that drinking seems to be the only source of entertainment for these kids between 21 and 30. It’s sad. My 29 yr old son is currently in jail for his 2nd DUI. As much as I hate it, he needed it before he hurt himself or someone else and ruined his entire life. He certainly didn’t listen to me, (cuz at my age, I know nothing, geez) Hopefully, you can get thru to your sister.
I have to say, I feel like jail is a HUGE wake up call for some people. It may do her some good to spend 30 days locked up, then transfer to a rehab facility to work on her issues with a professional. Do you have drug court there? If so, that’s usually an option they will offer. It’s like half jail/half rehab, and it is not costly.
@Emancip8 - That’s awful, I’m sorry to hear about your grandma. I thought about the fact that Megan could have really hurt someone and it pisses me off. Apparently she was only .02 over the limit (if I can even believe her), but that isn’t the point. Don’t get in a car if you’ve been drinking, ever. I pulled that shit when I was younger and it’s a miracle I didn’t get in a wreck or kill myself or others. I don’t want to be the person who holds a grudge when I’ve done the same things, but this is her second possession charge (in her car), and she should at least be learning and not repeating the same damn mistakes.
@comet555 - She’s 27, so right there in that time frame you mentioned. And yes, it *is* sad. I went along with that stuff for awhile, but eventually I felt like, how can this POSSIBLY still be fun for you people? It’s expensive, gross, the side-effects suck, and it’s probably making you dumber, getting drunk like that all the time. Ugh. Unfortunately, due to a head energy when she was younger and doing drugs since age 12 or 13, I feel like she is perpetually 15 years old. I fear she won’t ever move past this or be anything more than what she is.
Do you think the jail time will help your son?
@pretendprincess - I hope so, I really do. Something absolutely has to change. I don’t think she’s doing meth anymore (god I hope not), but she’s substituting with alcohol and tons of pot. Not good. I believe there is a drug court near where she lives, and my grandma is getting her lawyer to check it out; hopefully she can get in there. My sister did tell me that she may have to have a blow stick in her car for 2 years or something. Do you know anything about that? She says they cast $18 PER DAY, which is like $550 per month. I kind of doubt she even makes that much in a month with her crappy job and few hours. Again, none of this is for sure and I don’t know if I can believe her.
@shelly100 - I hope it does. He’s never been in jail before and even though he’s only doing a little over 60 days, he’s HATING every minute of it. (I’d be really worried if he wasn’t cuz it’s not a fun place) Giving him alot of time to think about things and he sounds like he’s learned his lesson, but once he gets out, that’ll be the real test to see if he has. Frankly, with all the fines and classes (which also cost money) I don’t think he’s gonna have money or time to party any more when he gets out.
@comet555 - It’s all just so sad. I hate that people are locked away in prisons. Maybe he will learn a lesson and change (and I hope he does, for you and for him). But it makes me sick to think of all the money (she works at Big Lots for minimum wage and like 20 hours a week – she HAS no money!), the psychological trauma, and what being around all these people acting tough and violent does to a person (it makes them violent too). Why can’t people just get their shit together and not have to go through JAIL?
@shelly100 - the court would probably find her indigent, and she wouldn’t have to pay for the device in her car. HOWEVER, I feel like those devices are SO unsafe. Not only do you have to blow in it to start your car, but every 10 minutes WHILE DRIVING. A friend of mine had one a couple years ago, and it was ridiculous. To be honest, I would rather just not drive at all than have to deal with that mess.
@shelly100 - also, I wanted to add, that being in jail really isn’t violent at all, especially for women. I spent some time in county jail, and managed to befriend even the scariest of prisoners. Honestly, you end up just learning how to be a better criminal in there. The stories you hear are just off the HOOK. Stuff you would never think before, suddenly you find out are very commonplace. However, I also saw a element of society that I knew I did NOT want to become a part of. Seeing women that lost their children, homes, finances, etc. is very disturbing. Therapeutically, jail can be a huge wake up call.
I just didn’t want you to worry that your sister would be in danger. It’s really not like what you see on TV.
Well… I know *someone* who has a book about women in prison, and I wonder if that book says anything about women in jails. I’ll try to find her contact information in case you want to borrow it from her, but she might not be willing to since it’s signed by the author and all…
I think I know how you feel about your sister and jail. I wish the system wasn’t just an expensive, punitive tool. I wish it offered meaningful rehab services so that your sister, my brother, and everybody else could receive the support they need to get healthy, educated, and employed.
I’ll keep you and your sister in my thoughts. :
@pretendprincess - Yeah, it seems unsafe and stupid expensive. I’m sure it isn’t like TV or the movies (what is?), but I work with the prison librarians and know that it isn’t exactly sunshine and roses there either.
@jim_the_american - Wow…score for that guilt trip. *gulp.* I really haven’t had much time to read non-school stuff in…jeez, years. Pathetic. I’ll crack it open again and read it soon, I promise. I seriously can’t wait for the day when I’ve graduated college and I can read whatever I want all the time.
And yes, it all seems geared towards pouring money into large prison system, especially privatized ones, and then nothing positive or helpful happens. (Ok, sometimes it does, like our Read to the Children program where inmates can record themselves reading books to their kids and then the recording gets mailed to the family. Awesome results there.) But mostly people end up broke, feeling shitty about themselves, unable to find a decent job, etc. Not that my sister isn’t already all of those things.
what i don’t understand is why does the law have to get involved for someone to realize that they’re really fucking up. it sickens me how weak people are. wake the f*ck up people.
hope your sister starts making the right decisions.
p.s. i hate pain in the ass people.
@shelly100 - OMG. Read to the Children sounds awesome!
@sheshe143 - The law gives addicts a very concrete incentive to stay clean: a failed drug test became a ticket to jail, and jail really sucks. Nothing else can give that incentive–not damaged family relationships or eviction or expulsion from work/school–because addicts don’t care about these things anymore.
You can call it weakness or selfishness or narrow-mindedness. Whatever. The truth is that addiction is powerful, and it has a dramatic effect on people’s priorities and perceptions.
@jim_the_american - It’s an award-winning program. See http://www.cde.state.co.us/cdelib/prisonlibraries/index.htm (near the bottom, under the Parenting From Prison section). There is more info plus some actual recordings from offenders (which totally made me cry).