I have been SO lonely lately. I feel like I don't have any friends, and the ones I do rarely call me or want to get together. I'm not close with anyone anymore. I know it was a mess sometimes, but I really miss the Ron-Jerry-Jeff days. I had 3 BFFs and we hung out all the time and did fun things. I just feel so unloved, unappreciated, ignored, and like I don't fit in anywhere. I so badly want a group of friends but I can't seem to break through.

1. I'm veeeery cautiously checking out the internet dating scene. Part of me feels SO not ready, and the other part of me is lonely and wants a friend and eventually more. I keep going back and forth between searching for men and searching for women. Sometimes it's hard to know what I'm looking for. Just...a person I like. Sex or gender doesn't matter to me. So far the results have been laughable, and I'm sure I'll post about it soon.
2. I get lots of compliments on my music tattoo, which I love. Even Jen really likes it, and she has TONS of tattoos that are really cool, so I feel all accepted and approved.
3. Money has been on my mind a lot. I barely make it each month, and I will need a new car in the future (we're talking soon), plus I'm worried about paying off student loans when I graduate. I'm trying to make lifestyle changes that will cut down on my expenses, especially eating out.
4. One of my summer classes is done in a week. Unbelievable! It went by so fast. Then I can crack down on my other (feminist blogging) class and have a few weeks in the summer to just be.
5. I'm looking for a woman-centered, "feminist" way to start some weight loss. I would like to go somewhere where I can meet with other people struggling with weight issues (and the problems underlying that) and we get some sort of education and motivation together, maybe even with a section of the session reserved for exercising together. I'm not talking about Weight Watchers, meal replacements, number-on-the-scale-motivated bullshit. Any recommendations?
6. I'm doing job searches pretty frequently, just to see what's out there. From what I can tell, I'm damn lucky to have a job that pays what it does (even though I'm underpaid and struggling). Everything advertised wants you to have advanced degrees and pay you $10-12/hr. No thanks. Unfortunately non-profits are even worse, and that's the type of place I'd like to work, doing something to help women.
7. I've been doing apartment searches too, because of the money thing. My lease isn't up until November anyway, and I *so* don't want to move, but I'm leaving it open as a possibility. At the end of the year I graduate, and my lease is up, and soon after that I start paying loans (unless I can defer), so I have to leave room for the possibility of changing jobs or apartments or even cities.

Lots of big life-changing stuff, and it's terrifying and stressful and yet oddly compelling. Deep breaths...

P.S. I keep looking into all these different things, and then I realize my self-confidence is the lowest it's ever been, and I feel all hopeless. Then the cycle repeats.