March 19, 2012

• Riiiiiiiiip

  • I’ve been taking more Xanax lately to deal with my anxiety, which is good, since I’ve had a prescription forever but usually just take it at night before bed. It’s amazingly helpful before choir practice or other occasions where I have to be in a crowded room of people. I don’t know why I’ve been denying myself that small bit of relief/help when it was available to me all this time. I guess I just didn’t want to go through life in a drugged-up haze, but I do that every day because of the meds I’m on, and Xanax doesn’t really make me hazy,just much more calm.
  • I’m also trying to put my feet up in my cubicle at lunch and close my eyes for at least 20 minutes. It’s amazing how much that can help. My next step is to try to get outside at least once during the work day. Sometimes it gets so busy I don’t get fresh air except for once in the morning and once in the evening (depressing). I even brought in a few things to make my work environment more comfortable: a pillow, ear plugs, kitcheny stuff like salt and pepper, napkins, utensils (seems like a no-brainer but who actually thinks about and follows through on this stuff?!), etc. Today I couldn’t enjoy putting my feet up though because I have some major tummy problems brewing. Sour burps and lots of gas and stomach rumbling – yuck. I keep running to the bathroom just to fart, which is totally embarrassing. Wouldn’t it be nice if it were socially acceptable to just let it out? I wonder if it was something I ate, or if there’s a bug going around.
  • The writing class I’m taking can just be OVER now, please. I’m tired of being forced to write instead of just doing it when I feel like it. I need to write a 1-page flash fiction piece but am stuck. It has to be really succinct but also pack a big punch, and I’m just not up for it right now. I’m thinking of doing something silly, but we’ll see. Next is the drama unit, which is intimidating because we have to write a 10-page (10-minute) play and I’ve never written one before. That’s just a lot of content to crank out when it’s not a research paper, you know?
  • This summer I’ll be taking feminist blogging and in the fall I’ll take women’s leadership on 4 consecutive Saturdays. I’ll work in one other class somewhere, and then I’m officially done with college at the end of December. I think about it every single day. How should I celebrate? My whole family lives 60 miles north of where I live and where the ceremony will be, but it still makes sense to have a party up there rather than in Denver, where the parking sucks and everything is expensive. 
  • Friday I went to a silent auction put on by the cast of the Vagina Monologues (several of whom are in the choir with me). It benefited a few charities that work to end violence against women, so obviously it was a great cause. And you know what? I had a really nice time. I took 2 Xanax  because I knew it would be a crowded space, and I ended up feeling happy and slightly stoned all night. There was live music (by some of the chorus gals), free food and drinks, a raffle, etc. The cast got a bunch of plaster molds of vaginas and then decorated them. I bid on and won the prettiest one, with red feathers and gold glitter on the clitoris. So awesome! And I also won something in the raffle. Remember when I used to take pictures of “vagina trees”? The prize was vagina tree photos – all artfully done – pasted onto postcards, with matching envelopes. I can’t wait to send one! LOL.
  • OMG, the Xanga dictionary doesn’t think “vaginas” is a word. Hahahaha.
  • My sister is doing fine with her back, and it looks like she won’t be going to jail. What will happen is up to our lawyer. There is a lot of tension happening between my mom, dad, sister, and grandma, but that’s for them to work out. My mom is going to try to get my dad to take my sister in and live with him, because she is just so done with all of it. This will get Megan out, and also her loser boyfriend and his kid, which would solve a few problems.
  • Oh! And the bitch who shares my cubicle (ugh…) is QUITTING! Good riddance! (It will suck if I get stuck with any of her duties while a replacement is found, but still, I will be glad glad glad to see her gone.) She is the type of person who won’t commit to doing anything, and instead just says things like, yeah, I’ll try to get that done, depending on…and then trails off. Totally weird, slow, ineffective, lied about her qualifications, and she just needs to get the hell out. Friday is her last day!
  • That’s it for now. I seriously have to go to the bathroom yet again. It’s a good thing I live alone; roommates or partners would be so disgusted by me right now. LOL

  • 5:07 pm
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